My friend Jen and I were at the playground last week on one of those perfect spring-in-the-city nights – the kind where you head home way past dinner time and don’t care. We sat on the bench watching our kids playing and joked about the pressure to be in the moment and the reality of thinking of the milk you have to buy, the work you have to do, the knowledge and fear that you will get these kids home too late and they won’t comply with your requests (demands?) for teeth brushing.

So each of us jokingly admonished ourselves. She, about her son: “He’s dribbling, I need to watch him, don’t miss his dribble. Be in the moment!”  And me, about my older daughter: “I’m in the moment! She’s on the monkey bars! I’m not missing it. I’m watching!” We laughed and agreed that we didn’t need another thing on our list to feel guilty about if it wasn’t getting done. Being in the moment should come naturally – not some forced exercise (which is one reason why many of my friends and I loved Glennon Melton’s “Don’t Carpe Diem” piece on The Huffington Post last year).

Still, there are times I have to force myself to stop reading texts when I’m playing with my kids (sad but true). This is when banishing the phone to another room helps. Those are also times I think being a mom circa 1977 was in some ways easier: sure, you were surrounded by people wearing bell bottoms in ghastly autumn colors and synthetic fabrics, but there weren’t so many distractions to contend with (or so it seems to this new millennium mom).

And all of this “be present” stuff isn’t just about parenting. Every aspect of our life seems to call for hyper focus on an almost meditative level. Not a day goes by where I don’t receive some email missive or scroll past a Facebook post reminding me to relish every second (hey, I may even be guilty of sending or posting some myself).

But there’s also some utility and pleasure to being taken out of your moment, which brings me to why I haven’t posted in a month, what I’ve been doing and how I had an Oprah-esque Aha! moment right before my final presentation in my photography class on Tuesday (yes, this seems like a barrel of tangents but stick with me – this will come together in about a paragraph or so).

I hadn’t taken a photo class in about eight years or so – the last one I took was with Harvey Stein at the International Center of Photography - and I’ve been really wanting to take Finding Your Voice as a Photographer, a course I had seen listed over the years in the ICP Continuing Education catalogue. I’ve also been wanting to take a class with Karen Marshall, a photographer who was highly recommended to me by another photographer about 10 years ago. And as luck would have it, this spring Marshall taught the class at ICP, I signed up for the 10-week course and LOVED every minute of it.

It was amazing learning more about myself as a photographer, what others see in my photos and also about visual literacy in general. I loved that we shared our work weekly, critiqued each other, gave suggestions and all saw our own work and each other’s in new ways. (I cannot recommend this class enough!).

Before my final presentation on Tuesday, I was all set to present my work, photos my classmates had seen throughout the 10 weeks but now my photos would be larger and deliberately sequenced. I would be taking the viewers on a journey through a narrative that I shaped and hoped they would connect to it. I thought about the themes that I had explored throughout the second half of the course, when most of us were expected (or were hoping) to have a more cohesive vision of what our work was about. For me it was suspended time, the moments between the moments and the wonders of the every day.

But at the very last moment, as I was putting the photos away and heading out the door to class, I realized that my photos – to me at least – were also about something else. They were about being taken out of your moment and into someone else’s. And yes, I guess you could say that’s just semantics – couldn’t it just as easily be considered being in your own moment, one that includes the very element outside of yourself that you become absorbed in? But for me all the photos I presented were things that either visually, emotionally or in some other way took me out of my moment and made me want to take a picture. So these were all “distractions” that gave photography purpose on that day, in that fractured second.

Tuesday also happened to be the second anniversary of my mother passing away. I went to my class that day, I took a yoga glass and I had drinks with a few very dear friends. I spent part of the day very sad that I don’t have my mom anymore, that I am two years away from the life I did have with her. But I also really enjoyed my last photography class, my hour of yoga and my glass of wine with friends. I allowed these things to pull me out of sadness and I don’t think I honored my mom any less by doing so. I think of her every day and spending the whole day steeped in grief and loss doesn’t bring her back and certainly doesn’t make me feel any better. So I cried when I felt like it and laughed when I felt like it. It was what it was.

Similarly, I don’t think I honor my kids any less or cheat them out of anything when I’m texting a friend finalizing our dinner plans while they’re on the swing or am thinking about a future blog post while we’re playing Monopoly. Taken to an extreme, yes, I don’t want to always be preoccupied with other things and not enjoy my children. But I don’t think we need to be so evangelical about being present. Sometimes we want to be anchored in a moment and other times we want to be pulled out (whether we realize it or not). It all depends on what you need….in that moment.

(So what’s this Women Who Hustle feature all about? Women Who Hustle are women who are excited about what they’re doing, have ridiculous drive, are creative and achieve what they’ve set out to do. But the more important distinguishing factor is that these are women who not only have big ideas, plans and dreams but also execute. They are not paralyzed by fear, indecision and the unknown. This doesn’t, however, mean that they don’t question their abilities, talents and direction, because they do (sometimes). We all do. These women just know how to move past all that and get where they need to go. Basically, Women Who Hustle are women who get sh*t done. This series was created with the hopes of introducing you to some of them and inspire you to go after what you want in life. Read about previous WWH here: Abby Pecoriello and Julia Silver Gordon (or you can always click on the pic with Dorothy’s ruby slippers over to the right for all archived WWH posts). Now let’s meet the hustlers!) 

Alison Qualter Berna and Allison Schlanger.

You could call them the Allisons, but technically that would be incorrect (one spells it Alison and the other is Allison). But it’s hard to not give Alison Qualter Berna and Allison Schlanger a unifying single moniker. They are the entrepreneurial duo behind the widely popular indoor play space and kid class destination apple seeds, they’re best friends, they each have three kids (both have a set of twins and a younger sibling) and they finish each other sentences in that synergistic way that like minds with similar sensibilities and goals tend to do.

I first met Berna and Schlanger six years ago when I was writing a story about apple seeds for Chelsea Now, a local downtown paper serving that area.  Apple seeds had just opened on 25th street (the black and white pic above is of the first apple seeds window when they opened in March of 2007) and, until then, there was nothing like it in the area. In the article, I had written that ”[f]or many, the neighborhood is synonymous with painting canvases and cocktails, not jungle gyms and juice.” And for a while, it was. Sure, there was a Buy Buy Baby on 7th Avenue but the demographic had just started to really shift with more and more young families settling down in the new condos sprouting up on every corner. Berna and Schlanger couldn’t have opened at a better time, and it wouldn’t have happened if not for a baby music class, serious career self-reflection and some mom-to-mom venting while maneuvering double strollers in a tight elevator.

My 2007 article about apple seeds in Chelsea Now.

When Berna and Schlanger met, they were both on maternity leave from their jobs at Unicef and MTV, respectively. “A lot of it was luck and timing,” explained Berna. Each had an intense career in terms of travel and that created what Berna says was a “very real pull against going back.” Schlanger loved her job as a TV producer but knew the demands would be very challenging now that she was a mother. They were both at that crossroads that many moms face toward the end of their maternity leave, where they ask themselves whether they will go back to doing what they did before having kids or whether something new will follow.

The two became friendly in a local baby music class – Berna with her twin girls and Schlanger with her twin boys – and initially chatted casually about this idea of an indoor play space for kids (preferably something that didn’t require you to squeeze into an elevator with strollers the size of Mini Coopers and make your way to an upper floor just to have your baby shake a maraca and listen to “The Wheels on the Bus”).

Craig Schlanger, Allison’s husband, was also at a point in his career where he was thinking of making a clean break and doing something different. The Wall Streeter proved to be an instructive sounding board when Allison shared the idea with him and, given his financial background, had a clear sense of what would make the idea a viable business. One element he thought was crucial: having a partner. 

Though they didn’t know each other long, Schlanger felt Berna would be the perfect partner: they had similar goals and values, and wanted similar things for their kids and families.  In fact, it actually felt right that theirs was a budding acquaintanceship at the time and not a friendship with history. “If we had been best friends at the time and everything fell apart,” Schlanger pointed out, “it would be something that destroyed the business and the friendship.”

So with a wine glass in hand (even hustlers sometimes need liquid courage) and nothing to lose, Schlanger called Berna to ask if she was in (in true Women Who Hustle fashion, Schlanger felt the fear but did it anyway). Upon hearing the proposal, Berna knew that it was the moment, that moment where you decide to take a leap of faith. So leap they did. Having those conversations about their vision, coupled with the need and desire to change their careers, and a real mom-to-mom/woman-to-woman connection allowed them to do it with confidence.

Bobby Berna, Alison’s husband, was in too, although initially he continued with his full time gig as part of a start-up he had co-founded. Soon enough, he made the transition and devoted all his time to apple seeds. As such, the “Al(l)isons” are quick to point out that theirs is a business with four principals who give equally, as some often become wrapped up in the narrative of these two women who are doing it on their own. Both pointed out that without Craig and Bobby’s support – without their business and financial savvy, and strategical thinking — they couldn’t have done it (Another Women Who Hustle characteristic: Give credit where credit is due). 

Six years later and the Bernas and Schlangers are now not only intertwined professionally but personally. The women are the best of friends, as are the kids and families as a whole. (When Berna’s daughter worked on a family tree project for school, she asked her mom where she should feature the Schlanger siblings).

“The job fits into my life,” says Berna, “I don’t make myself fit into the job. Many people go through the motions wishing they had something else but the priority is still the job. We always said we’d make family and kids the priority.” It’s this flexibility and big-picture approach that allows Berna and Schlanger to schedule meetings around their kids school events and pick-up times, a luxury they are aware of and appreciate.

This doesn’t, however, mean they are lounging around once the kids are bathed and tucked in for the night. They may devote afternoon hours to taking kids to after school activities and playgrounds, but then they’re back to work from 8:00 to midnight. There’s always more to be done.

And if it wasn’t for this commitment, apple seeds could not have grown the way it has in the last six years. Last summer they opened a second owner-operated apple seeds on the Upper West Side and they also have two international franchises, one in Dubai and one in Mumbai. Their goal is to open a few more owner-operated apple seeds spaces in the New York area and they also plan to launch a domestic franchise program in the near future.

So what has surprised them along the way? 

Schlanger says she is still stunned when she hears compliments about apple seeds from people who don’t realize she’s affiliated with the business. She’s thrilled that people have received it the way they have. Business-wise, she points out that things are constantly evolving and “you’re continually reinvesting in the business.” Whether it’s maintenance or developing something new, “it’s never done.”

As for Berna, she too is in awe of how apple seeds has impacted children, parents and the community in general. She loves that families and moms are meeting each other and developing friendships, whether in Chelsea or Dubai. Berna also pointed out that the dually negative and positive aspect of having your own business is that because new ideas are on the table every day, you really can’t turn if off ever. It’s a seven-day-a-week biz.

Ultimately, these two (although technically four) hustlers don’t let good ideas die. They make decisions, move forward and never rediscuss things. Sure, they may change directions or tweak things, but they don’t wait too long. The longer you wait, they told me, the less likely it will happen.

Glad they they didn’t wait too long to share their vision.

A hairbrush may not seem like something that warrants its very own post, but when I tell you how it has changed my life (exaggeration? nope), you’ll get it. Up until recently, my seven year old viewed combing or brushing her hair as a form of torture, a method of abuse dispensed at the hands of the very woman who gave birth to her. I, on the other hand, was just trying to get the knots out. This transformed a simple act of personal hygiene into a cause for battle, exasperation and slammed doors. Enter the Wet Brush.

It works on wet or dry hair, gets knots out like I’ve never seen, and has eliminated my family’s daily hair brushing struggles (now we only argue over electronics, candy, bedtime, getting your shoes on and making it out the door in time for school).

(NYers: I bought it at Lester’s.) You can buy it on Amazon (the company’s website sells it as well, but for almost twice the price).

It’s easy to be cynical these days. I don’t think I have to list the tragedies we’ve been following on the news or even witnessed firsthand in the last several months, let alone the last week.

Add to that our own individual losses and those of our friends and loved ones and it’s easy to want to stay under the covers with a flask and a bowl of chips and watch Lifetime all day. But we can’t.

But just as quick as tragedy, grief, anger – you name it – can knock you out of your copacetic state, a joyful moment can pull you just as swiftly out from under that feeling that the other proverbial shoe is about to drop.

Earlier today I was on the R train. Can’t say I was in a bad mood or good mood. Let’s say neutral at best, positioned as I usually am when riding the subway – on the platform I stand strategically so deranged stragglers won’t be tempted to select me as their next victim; on the train my bag is zipped shut and safe.

This might sound paranoid but really it’s second nature. Who in New York stands carefree on the edge of the subway platform with their wallet hanging out of their pocket and their headphones blaring, all while staring into a dark tunnel waiting for the train to sweep in? (If that sounds like you, maybe it’s time to rethink your habits).

But then I heard some guitar strumming and the beginning verse of The Beatles’ “Michelle” coming from the middle of the subway car. Normally when there’s someone singing on the subway they’re holding some fundamentalist evangelical literature and I’m turning up the volume on my iPhone to drown out the “entertainment” with some Of Monsters and Men track.

But not today. Today I got up out of my seat and moved closer to the foursome – one on drums, two singers and one on guitar. I smiled the whole way and reached into my wallet for a dollar (although they deserved more). I pulled out my camera and took some pics, tapping my foot and singing along the whole time (I wasn’t the only one). The only thing better than their version of “Michelle” was their spin on “More Than a Woman” by the Bee Gees.

I told them they were awesome and as they passed by the guitarist said “Thanks. We’re Gypsy Trane. Trane as in Coltrane.”

So thank you for the melodic respite, for those several minutes on the R train with you and your soulful music, Gypsy Trane.

Check them out here (audio quality not so hot in the beginning so fast forward to about 35 seconds in):

Several weeks ago I got an email promoting B. Wellborne bags ($189) . They’re light and roomy canvas shoulder bags that come in three neutral colors and you have your pick of three neon lining colors (pink, orange or yellow). There’s a roomy middle zipped compartment, two outer pockets (one has a deep pocket perfect for a bottle of water and the other has a zipped pocket) and an outer pocket with the perfect metrocard/keys/phone slot. I ordered one immediately (and opted for the army green with a neon yellow lining).

I’ve been using it non-stop since it arrived a week later and am OBSESSED with it because:

1) It has that water bottle pocket I mentioned above (which also makes it the perfect playground bag when I’m with the kids);

2) It’s feather light when empty so when I fill it with all my junk it’s not crazy heavy;

3) It reminds me of my leather Botkier Trigger bag I bought 10 years ago;

4) When it ends up having lipgloss and dark chocolate stains on the inside (which it inevitably will) and all sorts of day-to-day dirt on the outside, I can throw it in the washing machine.

Get yours here.

(All images are from the B. Wellborne website)

Having a young daughter, Raij is quick to point out popular favorites of the pint-sized set: lamb skewers, a cold shrimp dish with avocado, and, of course, breakfast. The morning menu includes ensaimadas, sweet rolls that are “less eggy than a brioche,” Raij explained, and are made fresh daily. You can also satisfy young (and old) taste buds with granola, croissants, zucchini bread or homemade churros.

On the day I was there, they were already out of those delectable sounding ensaimadas – one of the many edible reasons I’m heading back to El Quinto Pino first chance I get.

401 West 24^th Street, (212) 206-6900.

(Montero and Raij also own Txikito, a Basque restaurant just around the corner from El Quinto Pino).

If you make just one change to your diet, your daily routine, make it this: Kimberly Snyder’s Glowing Green Smoothie. Seriously, I don’t care if you’re eating burgers and onion rings every day (although not the greatest choice) or already eating arugula and sprouts regularly. Changing your morning pick from whatever it is now to Snyder’s GGS (as it’s often referred to), will change your entire day. I normally stick to her recipe but often mix up the greens by adding kale to mine. I also don’t put all three fruits in unless I’m working out that morning. Just some ideas. And trust me, it tastes better than it looks/sounds. Enjoy.

We had a flash of real spring this past Monday here in NY, only to have to reach for hats and gloves again on Tuesday. Regardless, real spring weather is days away and here to stay (hopefully), so how can you not have new colorful accessories on the brain?

1/ Coach sandal, $138, 2/ Bottega wristlet, $430, 3/ Barneys sandal, $395,  4/ Sol Sana sandal, $95,  5/ Ash wedge sneaker, $195, 6/ J. Crew satchel, $348, 7/ Opening Ceremony sandal, $350, 8/ Maison Martin Margiela sandal, $340.

It’s a given that you need to exercise and eat well to lose weight and get in shape. That’s nothing new. But I love the no-nonsense way the Refine Method‘s Brynn Jinnett delivered this message to her readers and clients in a blog post back in January: 1) You are not Michael Phelps, and 2) You are not a dog.

In her Jan 31st post, Is Exercise Enough?, Jinnett dispels the myth that you can transform your body simply by working out. “No work out (not even [her own Refine method]), will enable you to “out-exercise” your diet,” Jinnett explains.

So what’s with the Olympian and canine comments?

1) “You are not Michael Phelps” – Many people have an inflated sense of the number of calories they are burning, whether they’re spinning, swimming or lifting weights. They then take this exaggerated total to the table, probably eating more than they should. (How many people do you know indulge in a post-spin class plate of french toast large enough for two with the belief that they just burned such a mammoth number of calories that this carb extravaganza is something their body needs?). As Jinnett explains, “Unless you are an experienced athlete, you simply won’t burn that many calories during your workout.”

2) “You are not a dog” - Yes, that little pug who sat on command deserves a treat. As for you after your Monday morning barre class? Not so much. Take it from Jinnett, “Unlike our canine friends, good behavior doesn’t justify a treat; a workout doesn’t earn you food.”

Where does this leave us? Jinnett, a Harvard-educated former New York City Ballet dancer, serves up straightforward advice: don’t overestimate how many calories you’re burning and don’t underestimate how much you’re eating — common sense that’s often left on the gym floor or hidden on our plates.

As for the Refine Method workout, if you haven’t checked it out, sign up for a class today – first timers only pay $16 (half off the regular class price) and they offer a great starter pack for $20 per class. I’ve been doing the class twice a week since September (along with other forms of exercise) and have seen major results. It’s also very athletic, which is how I recently got my husband to take a class (there’s nothing girly about this workout; it’s efficient, effective and you leave feeling stronger and leaner than when you walked in the door). Read more about the Refine Method here.

Some call them a construction toy, I call them mini blocks, but either way, I am loving them (I’d say I’m obsessed with them!, but after the recent Times piece on the word “obsessed,” I am a tad self-conscious about my overuse of the word so am laying off for, I don’t know, a day or two). I picked up some Plus-Plus minis and midis for my girls today, and as of this afternoon, my three year old was very pleased with my purchase (the seven year old hasn’t seen them yet). I like that they’re great for boys and girls, can be used for abstract creations or 3-D constructions, come in neon, basic and pastel colors, and also come in two sizes.

I got mine at Lee’s Art Shop on 57th (for you NY’ers), but you can get them on Amazon, Fat Brain Toys, and Oompa.

(Tuesday update: My seven year old, husband and babysitter couldn’t stop playing with them too. It’s unanimous; they’re a hit.)

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(All images from Amazon.com and Plus-Plus website)